The February Finale: Breakfast at Target Bids Thee Adieu.

Y'all, it's not you.

(Sean Luca reflecting my sentiments.)

It's me.

I've sadly come to the point where something has to give.

And for the sake of my waning sanity, the people I may not see for a long time after the next few months because of graduation, the people I may not see because I haven't made time for them, and the general status of life... Breakfast at Target is saying farewell.

Indefinitely?

I have yet to say.

I have NEVER been as busy as I have been this semester. Quite literally, my days are scheduled from 5:00AM - 10:00PM... and it's taking its toll. Even last semester, it was a heavy workload and I was super busy -- but this time, I'm running towards the next big step in life, and the pressure is mounting beyond what I can handle. Here's what I'm up against:

1.) A Capstone/Thesis Project that entails creating a report and plan for our Group-X team. It involves three major components of expanding our Group Exercise programming at the University, including special event development, bench-marking research with other peer institutions, increasing online and social media PR and presence, leadership and professional development among our instructors, research on student wellness, and tying it all back into the discipline of public administration.

2.) An independent study that involves co-instructing a service-learning course in which I'm responsible for student management and support, curriculum development, planning lectures and discussion, and grading/organizing student work. OH, and that's just the first part. The second is developing a paper in which I'm conducting interviews with students, program/site sponsors, and university administration personnel in areas of integrative and service learning; doing case study and benchmark research on similar programs; and projecting the forecast of service-learning at our institution by collecting data and researching current trends and historical development. My professor and I are lined up to present at three conferences on our paper.

3.) A course in higher education and student affairs researching trends in higher education, which entails a literature/book review; an issue brief where I have to breakdown a report on a topic related to higher education (and no, I can use either of the topics mentioned above); a report on a specific state the trends in higher education there (I chose Wisconsin); and posting/replying to articles posted by the professor and fellow peers... as Friday, I had over 200 articles/comments I had yet to get through (as of now, I'm at about 100). 

4.) A presentation at a fitness conference next weekend at Virginia Tech - I've been working on it since last semester and I'm nervous I'm going to BLOW it. I'm bringing lots of candy for my participants just in case.

5.) Similarly: Planning and teaching 3 fitness classes a week, though I've subbed a good bit and have taught up to 5 classes on certain weeks.

6.) Several photo sessions I STILL have yet to get to because I can't find the hours to squeeze them in... I found myself staying up til midnight trying to get them edited and organized, only to realize I had to be up at 5:00AM... I had to start over several times because I should NEVER edit under the influence of late-evening coffee and mounting exhaustion.

7.) Working 20-30hr weeks for my boss doing community development and grant-writing work.

8.) Job hunting. My resume is a disaster.

Needless to say, I'm burnt and nowhere near the end. I've already scaled back on several things (eating and sleeping were the first to go), but I still can't find enough time or energy to get it done. I had a conversation with a friend recently who graduated last spring - like me, she was a high-energy person and hating saying "no" when she thought she could be of help. But in end, she got extremely sick after graduation -- to the point she was hospitalized. I'm on that road if I don't do something... and do it quickly.

After much deliberation, I've decided my dear, sweet, wonderful blog is something that needs to carefully wrapped up and put on the shelf for a while. Just knowing it’s one less thing I need to worry about eased some of the torment that is my To Do list.

Sadly… this may also mean I’ll be taking a step back from reading the blogs I have so long come to look forward to… at least, as involved as I may have been prior. It’s hard to read through some of the blogs and really enjoy them when I know I should be reading the crap-ton of other pieces mounting in my roster. I will checking as I can. I promise.

I feel like it’s really hard to explain to people how tired, busy, and broke I am lately. I promise I’m not being dramatic. It’s just hard to put down everything to catch a beer when I know my mind will be racing chaotically the whole time and wondering how I can afford – financially and emotionally – the time away from what I should be doing.

It sucks.

But I’m so close. 76 days to graduation.

There is light at the end of the tunnel.

It’s bleak and pathetic and dim, but it’s there.

If I can survive this, you bet I’ll be back – and it will be a GRAND return.

Thank you for your patience. Your empathy. Your hugs and tequila shots.

I love you all.

So long and fare thee well,

Celia

**That said, you can still find me on Pinterest, Facebook, and Twitter. Ten minute social media interludes are quite the brain-break between craziness...

Holidaze 2011, Part One: Christmas Festivities

As Life would have it, once things slowed down a bit in the last week, everything else caught up: I stand (sit?) before you a disgusting wad of funk, inevitably brought on by weird shifts in weather (71 and sunny to 54 and rainy in 24 hours), holiday stress, and 4 months of being completely inundated and running on 5 hours of sleep (nightly? weekly? no good either way).

The best part of a sick-day quarantine is that you have no choice but to avoid the ridiculous amount of errands and chores and people-dealings, unless you want to be the poster child for public health threats and wear a bag over your head. No, I sat in my apartment all day on my day off yesterday and brilliantly made sense of the piles in corners, under my crappy furniture, and shoved between things - stuff I accumulated and never took the time to deal with... 2 bags of trash and 2 more for donations later, I felt relieved that the only clutter I had left to manage was the phlemgy mess in my nose and chest. Despite the gunk load, I slept soundly for the first time in months. A lighter apartment and a heavy dose of NyQuil work wonders.

Christmas this year came just how I wanted it: slowly yet with punctuated moments of chaos and excitement, and it left just the same. In my very Catholic house, we celebrated the joy and sentiment of Christmas until the Feast of the Holy Family on Jan 6th (or maybe because we were too lazy to take down the decorations and wanted an excuse to keep eating lots of food). In a world were things often stop or leave so abruptly, the quiet transition into a new year is what I crave the most, seeing that January and February is quite possibly the ugliest time around here.

I spent Christmas this year with John's family, and they always do a marvelous job planning and cooking and decorating. My family was down in Florida visiting with my Dad who's been on assignment in the central part of the state since earlier this year - they were really supportive of my decision not to travel and fray the last little nerves I had left. (I'm leaving today for a grand NYE celebration at the beach with them, so I think it's a faaabulous trade off.) I managed to stay right where I wanted most of the short trip over the long weekend: behind my trusty Nikon. Below are some of my favorite shots from the trip. Speak for themselves. :)

*All photos copyright Breakfast at Target/Celia G Photographie - you steal, you risk the wrath.
** Blogger still isn't compressing photos correctly, excuse the grain/rough edges in some of the photos... grr.

Yummy frozen peach bellini.

Cadey and her delicious candy-cane pizza.

My Christmas tree: Pesto, mozzarella, sun-dried tomatoes, and pineapple. Sounds weird but I promise, it was SO good!

Mama C's snowman pizza.

Right here is when I discovered the enchantment of Words with Friends. And immediately downloaded it to the iPad, because I was tired of being left out.

High scorin' Mama!

Y'all thought I was kidding.

My handsome attorney.

Wondering how I scored a handsome attorney.

Da girls.

Christmas crazies.

Cadey's Christmas Steve Maddens. 

Rockin' around the Christmas tree. AH YEP.

Nana and her 2011 photo book, made by Mama C.

Christmas Day lunch across the way.

Part two around the corner... lots to share. :)

Well, Now That's Pinteresting...

I survived my exams.

I survived my last crazy work week of 2011.

Holiday parties, deadlines, and laundry... these awaited me after my end-of-the-semester chaos. I conquered them with my usual grace and charm anxiety and baffling blundery just the same.

And now? Two brilliant weeks off... but not out of the clear, yet. A flippity-gillion photo sessions to edit, a disaster of an apartment to clean up, and somehow I need to be running 8 miles 4x's a week to prepare for my 1/2 marathon in February.

But dangit, betches... I'm on my own time. And I'm kicking it off with a much needed girls retreat to the Holy City (that's Charleston, SC, for my lovelies in other parts of the world).

Don't consider this my magical return to the blogosphere just yet, but I wanted to check in and let you all know just how much all your support meant to me. I needed it, all of it, so know not an ounce of your concern or well wishes went to waste.

You all saved me a considerable amount of money on vodka.

Expect a valiant return soon -- some news to share and a few tell-all posts inspired by recent conversations -- but in the meantime, I have a tidbit of "I beg your pardon" to share with you all before I head out of town....

During my usual early morning coffee-sipping and Pinterest perusing before attacking emails and the news, I came across gem:

PINTEREST FAIL.

Congrats, Joseph - you're officially The Biggest Creeper on Pinterest. Send me the address to your basement haven at your mom's house so I can send you your award.

And to Hana, whoever and where ever you are, HIGH FIVE, GIRLFRAN.

---

So don't forget, people - Jesus and Santa Claus are always watching.

And occasionally, everyone else on the internet.



I freakin' love you all.

"Breakfast at Target" Takes a Sabbatical

Y'all. 

I don't know even know where to start.

This has been, BY FAR, the worst semester of my life. My class work, my work-work (all three jobs), and my beau's tireless search for gainful legal employment have been downright painful, frustrating, and, worst of all, hopeless. That pathetic little light at the end of the tunnel seems to get farther away with each new craptastic situation, unfortunate set of circumstances, or heart-breaking dead-end after lots of time and energy wasted. Once someone who made long-term plans and decisions to get there accordingly, I find myself living a day or two at a time - because honestly, I live in terror of things to come. More work to be done. More bad news.

There comes a point when drinking yourself into a numbed stupor and rationalizing your challenges as "tests of the cosmos" make you just want to punch somebody and walk away from it all.

As my To Do list got heavier and messier and my life along with it, I found myself in a place I wasn't sure to get out of - my energy zapped, my ambitions tossed careless by the wayside, my creative breath knocked right out.... as of today I stand (sit?) before you all as a tangled mess of despair, loathing, exhaustion, and vapidness. 

The worst part?

For the first time in my life, I don't know what to do. A self-proclaimed organization and planning freak, I'm left without even the  slightest clue of how to move forward.

I need a victory. A manageable To Do list. Something to look forward to. A top-shelf cocktail and a hug.

In the end, I decided I needed to put my beloved and precious blog on a mini and formal hiatus. And for a short while, I may also be taking down my Facebook. Cutting down on distractions seems to be the first step to getting out of the crap-hole that is my existence.

(To my blogging pals, new and old, I'll be catching up in the coming weeks after I survive final papers, projects, presentations, and exams. I can't say it enough, but I do take time to read, I'm just bad about commenting due to lack of brain-power.)

INNNNN the meantime... I've compiled a list of "Best of B@T" to keep you thrilled and entertained during my (undisclosed) time away. Want more? Click "The Mean Reds"in the titlebar...

1.) I Got 99 Problems.... 

My in-depth look at the crazy - and I mean CRAZY - womenfolk in our lives.

2.) Group Projects: Welcome to My Nightmare

I swear the only thing worse than group projects is... no, actually, group projects are the embodiment of hell-on-earth.

3.) I Be Up in the Gym

As a fitness instructor, I have a few tips on how to not be a total ass-hat at the gym. Oh, and get that workout you deserve. (Yup, there are tips for the fellas in there, too.)

4.) Summer has it's Etiquette

It's December. Why am I posting about summer? Because it relates to vacays and I know some of y'all have bang-up plans to hit the road this holiday season.

5.) Workin' On My Cred': Get the Picture? (Part I)

My testament and personal reflections on the journey into professional photography. There's a Part II, a follow-up, you can find under "The Mean Reds."

With that, I'm off to down my 3rd (maybe 5th?) cup of coffee... and possibly crank up Mumford & Sons. 

-----------

I know there are good things, good people, and good moments in my life. I'm grateful for those and hold on to them like a 2nd-grader to a pudding cup. I'll come out of this one way or another, and your patience is more than I could ask for. 

6' foot blondes are hard to keep down.

Sean Luca and The Lolli-Bone

I've been a bad mama this semester. Super early mornings at the gym give way to long days at the office and into evening classes and nights spent cooped up in my room plugging away at all the crap I've got. to. get. done. My kids wait patiently for a hug and a belly rub, always there to greet me when I get home and enjoy every second of the quick breaks I get throughout the day. I wish I had more time for snuggle sessions and taking them outside to play in this delightful southern autumn weather -- or their favorite, squirrel hunting (<-- be careful, you may not be able to handle this)... alas, we make the most of our quick interludes together, my heart breaking every time I run out the door and they stare quietly with a slow wag of their tail and a look like YOU CAN DO IT, MAMA.

To make up for my slack maternal performance AND to kick off my birthday weekend (turning a ripe 26 this Sunday), I picked up a couple of treats from the grocery store and enticed my little chubsters with some fake-meaty goodness. 

(*following photos straight-out-of-the-camera)

Sean Luca knowing there's something delicious coming his way.

I set the treats down to the excitedly wagging pups and head back to my room to start on the latest homework installment.

Sean Luca taking a second to check it out.

Within seconds, I hear loud squeals and snorts of pure ecstasy coming from the living area. 

He didn't even notice I was in his face with the camera.

OH DEAR SWEET WONDERFUL LOLLI-BONE!

I felt better knowing I had won Sean Luca over with his now favoritest treat ON THE ENTIRE PLANET and was thoroughly distracted (and entertained) by his perfect little pig-dog noises for the remainder of the evening.

Audrey, on the other hand?

........

WHAT A BRAT.

----

It's approximately ONE MONTH until Fall Semester 2011 is over... hoping to enjoy my last weekend as a 25-year-old and attack the remaining weeks with vengeance.

And come Dec. 9th, I'll be going to town on a bottle of gin like a Sean Luca to a lolli-bone.

---

Best Text Message I've Ever Received.

This past week was Fall Break. For the last several weeks, I had a trip planned for a special assignment to THIS place:

Copyright Breakfast at Target/Celia G Photographie.

Copyright Breakfast at Target/Celia G Photographie.

Copyright Breakfast at Target/Celia G Photographie.

Copyright Breakfast at Target/Celia G Photographie.

Yes, my friends, it's none other than the amazing Chicago... I'm particularly smitten (like for real, I'm obsessed with this place) and already itching to get my fanny back up there as soon as possible.*

Just hours before I was due to leave for my whirlwind trip to the Windy City, the ding-dang Supreme Court of South Carolina announces Bar results are going to be revealed....

... A WEEK EARLY.

Commence epic breakdown.

Through my heaves and sobs, John insists I get on the plane and whatever happens was going to happen anyway. After MONTHS of planning how and when the moment was going to be handled, where we would be, what alcohol would be on hand... it was happening whether we liked it or not.

To make matters worse, John was traveling back from D.C., busting his tail to be in his homestate when the results were posted for the world to see.**

I distracted myself by wandering through Chicago and turned my phone off all day - I had a job to do and I wasn't about to ruin my already freaked attention span, no matter what the results. I told myself when I returned home in the evening I was going to turn my phone on, take a deep breath, and call my Beau.

That evening, shaking all the way up the 28 floors to my friend's apartment, I finally turn my phone back on...

"You have 1 new message."

(open message)

"From John: You are dating a lawyer."

PRAISE BE JEEZ-US!

So there we were, a time-zone apart, and both squealing in excitement, joy, and most of all, relief.

Relief we no longer need to wait, relief we can start planning our lives, relief that there will be someone to get me out of trouble when someone finally gets offended by the nonsense I post on here.

Unfortunately, I'm still amidst an anxious return to a horrible work/school week ahead: major assignments, a midterm that encompasses a 16 page study guide - thanks for the help on that one, Becky!, and entertaining new MPA candidates... Lord love a biscuit.

SO, appropriate celebrations and MUCH over-do blog commenting updates are on the way this weekend... SWEARS. I caught up on a bit on reading this weekend and it seems everyone else is also in a state of CRAZY!

Thank you again to everyone - EVERYONE - who offered their support, their time, their love, their positive vibes, their liquor cabinets, and most of all, their understanding and empathetic words and gestures of kindness through the last few months and years of John's law schooling. (Just so you know, he totally owes you one. I'll make sure of it.)

I mean it.

THANK YOU.

*To those of you in and around the Chicago area, sorry for no heads up... I was on assignment and booked solid through my 2.5 days, so it as hard to reach out!

**John actually pulled over in an old Exxon gas station in the middle of NOWHERE North Carolina... he apparently went pretty darned crazy and caused great concern to the old people hanging around.... HA.

Shama-Lama Ding DANG.

A quick post to explain my hiatus....

This semester has royally ripped me a new one. I wholly underestimated the time, energy, and bottles of Pinot I would need to suffer through it. I wasn't prepared for the amount of work, the need to schedule every second of every day, and the general feelings of anxiety, stress, rage, and exhaustion.

And, now, I'm struggling to keep my head above water. I've found myself in a position of missing deadlines, asking for extensions, and giving up sleeping and eating to make up for lost time. 

It's really no way to live, y'all.

To make matters worse, in 18 days we find out about John's results from the Bar exam; and, frankly, I can't even begin to fathom the emotional chaos Oct 28th has in store for us.

As terrifying as the last few months have been and as bad a beating my liver has taken, there have been a few moments of quiet reflection, instances of loyalty and friendship, and times of positive, personal validation. It's amazing how at your lowest points you have nothing left but to face the reality you've created for yourself. Even more amazing is seeing who's there to help pull you out of the messy hole and finding that weird strength you summon from within. If you're really good, you'll pass it on to someone else who needs it.

Ultimately, tortured moments are not merely tests of strength. They're challenges on your perspective, your creative ability to interpret the world. It's a healthy dose of humility. And it helps you decide just what's important to you after all.

NOW.

What does my superflous Tuesday morning soliloquy mean for those of you who just spent 10min reading this? Other than wondering jusssst exactly what I put in my coffee, it means this:

• To my blogging friends, I've been a silent observer and unfortunately haven't had the time to leave the thoughtful comments I know you've always been quick to share with me. But I'm reading. I know what a little blog love means and it breaks my heart to deny that to you. But please: Keep on keepin' on... I do so enjoy hearing about your lives, your thoughts, and your random internet finds. I'll catch up soon...
  
  
• To my reader friends, I've got a slew of posts I've started but can't find the energy or creative juices cocktails to complete them. It means a lot when someone expresses they miss my posts (even though I'm pretty sure John paid them to say it). I'm trying. I miss my blog.
  
  
• To my friends I actually see in some real-life fashion: I'm tired and cranky and screwed up, but you should know me well enough I'm like that most of the time regardless. I'm working on it. Swears.
  

The next few months aren't looking a whole lot better schedule-wise, but I'm getting a little bit better about scheduling my workload... posting is mostly likely going to be sporadic, at best, so stay on the edge of your seat, people. 

In the meantime, you can find me on Twitter, Pinterest, and my "photographie" FB site. 

With that, it's time for another round of gin caffeine and off to work.

Hugs and high fives,

Celia